In high school, I weighed around 130, and I knew I was fat. I thought I was so fat that no one would ever want to date me. For most of my adulthood I weighed around 235 pounds, and I knew I was fat. I thought I was so fat that no one would want to be my friend. Then I went up to 320 pounds for a few years. For those years, I knew I was fat. I couldn't walk very far without getting out of breath. I had trouble getting in and out of bed. My back ached on a regular basis. At any gathering, I knew I was the fat one. The odd thing was that I no longer thought that no one would want to date me or to be my friend. Even though I weighed more than at any other time in my life! Even though my health was definitely suffering in a way that it had not been before. Something had changed. I had learned to accept myself.
Now I am back at around 235. The weight that has stuck around most of my adult life. I actually feel thin! It is funny because I suppose most people, especially people who don't know me, label me "fat," but inside myself, I know that I am not fat like I was before. For the most part, I feel great! My back rarely aches. I can jump into and out of bed. I sleep easily and rarely snore. I can walk wherever I want to. These are very good things.
The point is that I was labeling myself fat at 130 and 235 and 320, and now at 235, I am not labeling myself fat. I am just me. I have a certain amount of body fat. Most people would say too much. I choose to not use the fat label because I don't want to draw a line. I do not want to have to decide when I am no longer fat. My low weight is 115. I am one of those people who still has a chubby stomach at 115. Will I be fat at 115? Do I want those of my daughters who have more body fat than some people think they should to be labeled fat? Yes, I could tell them to reclaim the word. I would rather just do away with the word as a description of a human being.
I have a daughter who is underweight by the definitions given out by medical science. People notice that she is very thin. She has occasionally been judged for being very thin. She has never been judged to the extent that those of my daughters who are on the other side of the spectrum are judged. This is in spite of having a dangerously low bmi. It seems that being at risk of death from anorexia is preferable in our society to having 20 pounds of "extra" fat even though the health risks are less by anyone's standards.
Today I proclaim my stance. Size doesn't matter. A person is a person. I choose to blog about weight loss because losing weight has helped me to have better health, and I think I might have some positive things to say that could help others who are choosing to give a weight loss path a try. I am not judging anyone based on their size or saying that weight loss is necessary to health in any instance. I can only talk about me and what I know.