Monday, May 18, 2009

My Struggles

When I decided to become a person who didn't care about her weight, in many ways my life got better.  I no longer obsessed about food.  I didn't waste time weighing myself and analyzing my weight and working on the next great plan that would get me thin and keep me thin once and for all.  I also let go of some of the guilt and shame that comes in our society from being overweight.

That doesn't mean that I don't struggle though.  I like riding rollercoasters.  Right now, I weigh too much to ride any rollercoasters that I know of.  In the past, I have several times focused on upcoming amusement park trips to get the weight off.  It has never worked.  Right now, it seems rather unfair to me that there isn't a rollercoaster that a bigger person can go on.  Maybe there is somewhere, but I don't know about it.  There is a part of me that wants to focus on my weight just so that I can ride rollercoasters.  But I have done that for years, and it has not worked!  Now, I enjoy all the things that I couldn't enjoy when I was so busy worrying about my weight.  That makes up for any rollercoaster rides that I might miss.

Clothing is another issue.  This is only partly a weight issue because I am also short and proportioned oddly.  I had trouble finding clothes that looked right when I only weighed 115.  Now it is nearly impossible.  Especially the kind of clothing that I find comfortable.  I like short flowy skirts.  (Long ones are nearly always too long and just make me look shorter.)  I like shirts that fit right.  Small arm holes.  Shorter length.  Big enough for my stomach but not huge and baggy over my breasts.  I am tempted to try to lose weight one more time so that I will have access to more popular clothing sizes.  Deep inside, I know it isn't worth it!  It doesn't matter.  Living richly now, matters so much more than striving for some ideal look later.  

On the food front, I do still struggle with feeding my family as healthy a diet as possible.  My girlfriend has diabetes, and I know that it is very important that she eats right.  I strive to make changes that will be right for her, and that usually means healthier for the rest of us too. 

Tomorrow I will write about some of the dietary changes that we are considering in the future.

1 comment:

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