Much of the last two days has been spent searching. I have read blog entries and website articles about happiness and pleasure, simplicity and going slow, goals and dreams. I have taken personal inventories. I have thought and meditated on myself and life and those who I love. I have watched a ton of inspirational videos. I haven't done much discussion or talking at all. I have kept it inside of me swirling around while when interacting with others doing my best to stay in the moment!
Lots of my thoughts have been directed towards the idea of goals.
Do I have a life goal? I would like to feel safe. I would like to trust. Those two go hand in hand. On top of and beyond that, I would like to live amidst beauty and experience happiness. I would like the freedom and resources to learn and learn and learn. I would like part of that learning to involve travel and new experiences.
I have set those intentions long ago, and I renew them regularly. How can I be more concrete though? What can I do this month and this year to move in that direction? That was what I was searching for. What have I done since I started this blog? I have developed the habits of positivity and single-tasking, both wonderful things, both things that are not too difficult for me, both things that feel so right, getting back to who I really am. Now to move forward.
I have decided that I will not set out to form another habit this month. I need to make exercise a habit. It adds to my happiness. It makes me feel great inside. It increases my health. This will be the only habit that I will be working on forming this month.
I still intend to move forward though. As part of my searching process, I reviewed how much money I made this year. I have decided that I need to focus on making more money this year. The good months were because I made a good effort. If I can make that effort every month, it will be a wonderful asset for my family and me. To help me with this goal, I am going to keep part of the money that I earn this year in a safety fund, to help me feel safe. I have not discussed this with Diana because my mind doesn't seem to want to focus enough to bring it up, but I know that she will not be opposed. She has wanted a safety fund for a long time. My goal is to make as much as I made in my highest month last year every month this year and to improve by at least one cent each month.
I have also decided to have a "word of the year." This seems like a great way to stay focused throughout the year. I have selected "smile" as my word. Although I have the habit of always thinking positively, it takes me a few moments to twist my thoughts around when a crisis hits. I have noticed the last two days that when I smile, I can decrease the length of that time period. This not only increases my own positivity from mysake, it enables me to be available faster to help those around me who might be in crisis.
I will admit that it feels really weird. It is definitely a 100% fake smile to begin with. Then so quickly, it becomes real. I may be made fun of, but it works for me, and I am going with it!
2009 is the year of the smile! :)