Sunday, October 19, 2008

Day 19: Being Comfortable with Myself

I have spent some time visiting with friends and relatives the last few weeks. Being with people, especially people that I care about, can be an anxiety producing experience for me! Somewhere inside myself I feel like I am not good enough for other people. I feel like I am not going to live up to their expectations.

It is difficult for me to admit that in a public forum like this, but I suspect that many others have the same problem. The truth is that I am very in tune with myself and who I am. That is a good thing! Another truth is that I do my best at everything. I am proud of who I am.

Why then do I fall apart at the thought of being surrounded with other people, even other people who love me very much? A little bit of it is probably that no matter how strong I think I am, I am not 100 percent confident in myself. Either I am not 100 percent confident who I am, or I am not 100 percent confident that I always do my best. Most likely there is a litte bit of each, for I am not perfect.

The biggest reason though is that I am conditioned to care what others think. I care what others think about me more than I care about who I am and how I feel about myself! This is not a positive way to be. If am doing my best and being true to who I am, then that is enough. I must remember to affirm who I am regularly. I must remember to concentrate on being the best that I can be. If others disagree with me, it is OK to agree to disagree. If others judge me harshly or bring negativity into my life, it is OK to limit the time that I spend with them.

I am walking forward with positivity filled with self-knowledge and strength.

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