Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Day 1: Fine Tuning My Support

Today is day one of my month of developing the habit of positivity. I was awake after midnight last night and was very excited when I realized it was the first of the month. I wasn't feeling my best, but my mood definitely brightened thinking about the benefits of positivity.

This morning, I awoke and was raring to go! I knew there might be struggle, but I was up for any challenges that might come my way! Well, those challenges didn't wait too long before arriving. I had an altercation with my significant other this morning. Neither of us was feeling our best, and we have been experiencing a ton of stress due to financial difficulties. This morning, that, coupled with miscommunication, led to some areas of contention between us. I knew that I didn't want to go into negative thinking mode, but the whispers of negativity were pushing up in the back of my mind. I pushed myself hard to listen to them so that I could turn the situation around. I was being very methodical, going slowly through the process. It was not easy. I was in the midst of the most difficult type of situation for me to maintain positivity during. I did not want to fail! My partner was trying very hard to do the right thing too. She knew today was my first day, and she pointed out that I should not be being negative thinking that it would help me to get back on track. She pointed it out more than once.

That was exactly not the type of support that I needed. It made me feel bad inside. Here it was only the first day, and I was failing! What I needed was quiet listening ears while I worked through my problems. We hadn't talked about this before so the situation escalated.

Later though, I had a chance to talk with her and discuss the type of support that helps me most: quiet listening while I recognize, verbalize, and then turn around the negative thinking. She knows me well and could immediately see what I meant. I realize that there will be other people whom I will have to deal with who will not support me. When I am with her who loves me the most though, it is nice to know that I will have someone who can support me to the fullest in exactly the way that I need most when I am struggling.

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