Friday, September 26, 2008

Dealing with Negativity: Gossip, Mourning, & Today's Trial

I like to observe and think about other people. I am a very good judge of character, and I think that is the result of all the people watching that I have done. I also like to talk about people. Not just to anyone, but with those whom I trust and whom I am close to, the topic of conversation often turns to people we know. This type of conversation is often called gossip. My goal is not to spread rumors about people or hurt anyone. My goal is to figure people out so that I can have a better understanding of how people work and ultimately be able to be closer to people. Having said that, these conversations are not limited to people's positive characteristics. They are well rounded full fleshed conversations exploring many aspects of people's personalities. It the person being discussed was there, there would definitely be things said that would make them uncomfortable.

I assume most people have these types of conversations. I don't mind thinking about people talking about me this way. This is not because I am comfortable with who I am or because I think people won't say negative things, it is because if I'm not there to hear it it doesn't hurt and because I think it is sort of cool that I would be interesting enough so that someone would want to use me as a conversation topic.

Since I have embarked on a course of positivity, I have been wondering if these conversations I have are negative. I have come to a few conclusions. First, when I talk about someone, I present a well rounded picture of them. I am very good at seeing all sides of someone and tend to stick up for people that others don't like instead of the other way around. Second, when my loved ones and I discuss people, the conversations are in no way malicious. Even when we are upset at someone or don't particularly like them, the purpose of the conversations remains understanding someone better not hurting anyone. My conclusion is that these conversations are not negative.

On the other hand, gossip definitely can be negative! Most people have found themselves in situations where someone was being pulled apart and torn down with no good intentions involved. I am not going to get involved in those situations anymore. If I can't say anything nice, I will leave. I know that arguing is not the answer, but if more people would just leave when people were being bad-mouthed, the world would be a much more positive place.

Today I had another trial in my path to positivity. Once again the past came knocking and managed to knock me right into a pit of despair. Once again, I tried to talk and to push to the positive, but it was really hard! There is one thing I think that I need to remember. It is OK to mourn. Mourning is a normal part of life. I can't get back one moment of the past, but it still affects me now. If the past is negatively affecting me, I can allow myself to experience the sadness that there were mistakes made and mourn the fact that there is no way to go back and change things. I don't need to dwell on it. Just acknowledging it is a help though! Then I can recommit to making the best decisions that I can now and in the future and move forward with positivity as best as I can!

No comments: