Friday, September 5, 2008

The Beginning

The very first blog I had on the internet was a weight loss blog. I had it at aol back when aol's blogs were ad free. I read lots of other weight loss blogs, and a lot of others read mine. There was a real feel of comraderie and community. My blog was a good blog, telling not only about my life and struggles with my weight both past and present, but also giving weight loss tips and support to others. It was featured a few times on AOL's front page both for health and for blogging. I loved my blog!

Then I fell away from it. The best weight loss bloggers in my opinion were the ones who posted regularly regardless of success or failure, and who had more successes than failure. Although I was successful to begin with, after awhile I started to fall into the more failures category. I still posted very regularly, but I wasn't going anywhere with the weight loss and was feeling pretty negative about my "role model" status.

About that same time, I found livejournal and started a general journal about my life there making online friends who had more in common with me than just being overweight. I still worried about weightloss of course and had tons of successes, usually followed by worse failures. My weight loss posts were fewer and fewer and eventually I stopped posting to my weight loss blog altogether.

Move ahead about five years to this January. I was a member of Curves primarily because my girlfriend really like it there. They were having a biggest loser challenge. I knew I could win. I know how to lose weight. I am the weight loss expert. Everyone knows that!!! I have lost over 100 pounds on several occasions (obviously the problem is that I put it back on plus more!) Anyways, we needed money so I signed up and set off losing weight the way I know best, count calories and exercise lots!!!

To begin with, I was at the head of the pack. I wasn't even 100% consistent, and I had no problem losing more than anyone else each week! I was a weight loss machine! There was one problem though. I was so stressed out! My whole life was focused on weight loss, and it was hard work. It completely took over. I didn't have time or energy for my kids or my partner. My hobbies fell by the wayside. All my goals, cares, and concerns other than weight loss fell by the wayside. I was not happy.

About halfway through, something happened. I had a realization! It wasn't worth it. I thought to myself, "What if I was a person who didn't worry about her weight?" Could I possibly weigh any more? All of the weight I had gained while my teen 115 lb. body became my 40 year old 300 lb. self was gained while worrying about my weight! Obsessively at times! What if I hadn't worried about my weight all those years? Perhaps I would be thinner now, but that really isn't the point. The point is that I would have been able to devote so many minutes, hours, days, years, and energy to other things! Things I probably would have enjoyed a lot more! Things that I probably would have been a whole lot more successful at in the long-term.

I talked to my family about quitting the biggest loser, and they agreed that it wasn't worth it, and that they wanted me back. So I stopped trying. I became someone who didn't worry about her weight, and it was great! I still am that person, and it still is great!

Now, you may wonder why someone who doesn't worry about her weight would have a weight loss blog. Well, I realize there are a whole lot of other people out there who are just like me. I also realize that I might not win them over to my side. There is a thought pattern in the weight loss world that if you just keep trying and don't give up, then you will eventually succeed. I realize that there is some truth in that statement true. At the same time, I don't know if all that energy invested in failures is worth it. There are so many things in life more important that being thin.

I hope that this blog will help those who are investing energy in losing weight to also live the rest of their lives to the fullest. I want to give people info on the latest research in weight loss so that their efforts aren't focused in a negative direction. For those who decide to join me in being people who don't worry about their weight, I want to help them discover a path that is right for them. Just because I don't worry about my weight doesn't mean that I don't try to live a healthy life and make good choices.

Perhaps most importantly, I want to share my journey! I think hearing others stories can be the best inspiration of all.


BunnyKissd said...

YAY! Can you email me when you make new posts? I am so glad you've begun this blog!

Anonymous said...

What a cool idea! I'll be reading. :)